Nerdcore Boxing

This is the second installment 0f Hiding Injuries from White Collar Jobs. In all likelihood you won’t need this particular type of boxing tips often, but they make an excellent insurance policy.

Learning the Art of Cover Up

I once had my nose busted and two black eyes from sparring (long story). At my current job this wouldn’t have been a big deal, but at that time I worked as a spokesperson for an good sized software company. I often took interviews with the media, once even being interviewed on CNN. Needless to say, I risked being fired if I didn’t handle it carefully.

Let’s just say sometimes you may have to swallow your manly pride and buy some makeup. This sounds complicated, but it’s not. Go to the beauty dept of the applicable store near you and explain your predicament to the women who works there. She’ll probably laugh at you, but then she’ll help you pick out the makeup and explain how to apply it.

Practice Makes Perfect

Don’t let the morning of work be the first time you breakout the Preparation H and makeup and attempt to rest your old pair of glasses on that fat sausage of a swollen nose. Run through your routine the night before. After spending a week managing one black eye, you’ll develop the skills that would make even a mortician proud. My wife will tell you, she is in awe of my skills.

Nose Issues

Fortunately your nose toughens up a bit. Swelling and bleeding are most common when you first start sparring. Nose injuries tend to cause numbness and are not very painful (I don’t consider them painful at all), but they are kind of annoying.

Really swollen noses are tough to breath through. Fortunately most people don’t realize this and won’t associate your temporarily nasal voice with boxing.

The day after I busted my nose boxing, the president of my company called me into her office and had me read something off a document (just my luck). At the end she squinted at me and asked, “Do you have a cold?” I replied, “Nah, my nose is just stuffed up” Heh, heh, heh…

If your nose bled a lot the night before, you’ve got some scabs holding the internal cuts together. Bleeding can start again if you rub, wiggle or bump it. You might consider avoiding a white shirt.

Using Do-It-Yourself Coagulants 
There are some over-the-counter products that act as blood coagulants and can prevent or stop a nose bleed.

Disclaimer:

Ask your doctor about this next tip before attempting it. The Nerd of Steel is not a doctor, doesn’t give medical advice, and writes this blog for entertainment purposes only.

Anyway Neosporin is a blood coagulant. If nose bleeds are a big issue apply some in your nostril using a q-tip.

Summary

• Don’t worry, people are unobservant regarding changes to appearance.
• Don’t put your attention on your facial bruise while talking to others.
• Use Preparation H to manage swelling.
• Wear glasses to hide black eyes.
• If you’re desperate, and very comfortable with your masculinity, use makeup. Practice applying the night before.
• Avoid white shirts in case of spontaneous nose bleeding.
• Neosporin is a useful coagulant.

All of these tips make white collar boxing sound more dangerous to your face than it really is. Put this post in perspective, these are remedies for the rare worse case scenarios.

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