Nerdcore Boxing

I rarely get my face marked up from sparring. That said there have been a couple of times where I looked in the mirror after sparring and thought, “I’m going to be fired or disciplined at work.” Other boxers don’t get this, but to white collar professionals this is probably the biggest fear. But fear not, I get away with boxing injuries and you will too.

Being a fair skinned guy with a long and still somewhat thin nose, I’m prone to getting visible bruises, swelling, abrasions and once even a cut. Yet I’ve never had anyone at work notice my facial damage.

Before I give some basic remedies, there are 4 points to keep in mind if you’re looking in the mirror and stressing:

1. People Are Remarkably Unobservant – You surely are familiar with the phenomena of girls changing their hair color from blonde to red only to have no one notice. People miss changes in appearance, even striking ones.

2. It Always Looks Worse to You – This is really just an extension of the last point. Don’t look in the mirror and worry, ask somebody else if it’s noticeable.

3. People Notice What You’re Self Conscious About – If you’re worried about the shape of your nose and all of your attention is on your nose, it draws other people’s attention to your nose. On the flip side if it’s the last thing on your mind and your body language remains normal, people are less likely to be tipped off.

4. People Do Notice Bruises, On “Boxer’s” FacesI have found this to be true so many times. If they don’t know I box, they either don’t notice small changes to my face or they don’t associate them with getting punched. Once I tell a coworker that I box they notice every little abrasion.

So if you can help it, don’t tell them you box. Additionally if you do have a job where coming in with a black eye is a potential firing offense, keeping your little hobby quiet allows for a wider range of explanations.

Prevention

You should be wearing headgear to spar, so cuts should be very rare or non-existent. Abrasions are cause by the gloves “catching” on your skin and are the most common thing you’ll deal with. Using Vaseline on your nose, around the eyes, on your headgear, and if possible, on your opponents gloves can make the punches slide off.

Preparation H: Not Just for Hemroidal Swelling

Swelling is the easiest thing to fix, thanks to the over the counter miracle drug: Preparation H. Yes, your fellow boxers might call you buttface, but you’ll be amazed how much of the swelling disappears. The effects last about 4 hours.

Glasses Hid Superman, They Hide Black Eyes Too

Superman’s Clark Kent disguise always seemed stupid, but you’ll be amazed how few people notice bruises behind glasses. If you are vision impaired, wear glasses instead of contacts. I wouldn’t recommend wearing sunglasses all day, it looks suspicious.

Stay tuned for Part II of this article!